Today my family begins a chapter in finality. My grandmother, or "GG" moves into a nursing home today. She is 91, and it is time for her to not live independantly anymore. The complex she is moving into is beautiful and she will be perfectly suited for it.
There's something about change that just pulls out all the familiar family dynamics, isn't there?
I'm feeling so sad that my grandmother is leaving her town, her home and her friends. I'm sad she's leaving the town where my in-laws live, five minutes down the road. I'm sad that she is faced with this stage of her life. I'm so sad that the vivaious, full of life woman I cherish and is one of my role models has to finish her life on others' terms. I'm sad that she has lost (hopefully temporarily) her belief in magic and fun.
I want the whole world to know how cool she was, how intensely she loved and lived, how she was the great keeper of secrets. How she created a world of magic for any child lucky enough to know her. And able to maintain that spell for their children, too.
How she created a garden with little rock paths and layers upon layers of flowers. I simply knew fairies muct live in that garden; she insisted they lived in the rock wall. I think we were both right.
I love how she inspires larger than life creativity, and respect and love for others, especially those who were different.
I hate that she refers to herself as "waiting". For the train, that is. To go meet up with my grandfather and her daughter she lost at the age of 18. And I don't blame her a bit, as her body is giving up on her.
I wish it could be different. I wish she was able to be on her game, so that when she grabs the next train out of here, she is dashing after it, hat flying, skirts whipping, and a smile from ear to ear...rips in her shirt cuff, grass stains all over. And Sally, Tom and friends cheering her on. And all of us standing back, smiling through tears and shaking our heads as we watch her go to where we know she will be Ultimately Happy.
Rosemary was never a person to sit around waiting.
1/125, 5.6, 125 ISO, manual. Polarizing filter, CWB. 5D, 70-200, @200mm. Cropped in pping. No changes in ACR. Defog. Resized for web. TFL!
11 comments:
These is the most beautiful journaling about your grandmother. I love this as a tribute to her life, and that she lived life fully enough that she could influence and affect you like this. I hope you post a photo of her for us some day; I'd love to see her.
I would love to see a photo of her as well. That is SO awesome that she has lived SUCH a full life! Sounds like she has enjoyed every minute of it! You know just as you described her, I can totally see her being just exactly that way after catching that train. Maybe that's how she may feel, when age can't hold her back.
I seriously hope that doesn't sound insensitive at all. I hope when I'm 91, I can look back at my life and see such a fun, and fulfilling 91 years.
What beautiful journaling about your grandmother, she sounds like an amazing woman. I'd love if you had a photo of her to share. It would be neat to see the person that inspired such writing. Hugs to you and your family during this difficult transition.
I am so sorry, Sara. What an amazingly cathartic, well-written tribute to your grandmother, though. My last living grandparent started this walk last year. You and your family will be in my prayers.
That is a beautiful post about your GG, Sara! She is well loved and I hope her days are peaceful and content.
Beautiful post about your grandmother.
OK... where's the tissue... What lovely words! Sounds like a wonderful woman! Good luck to her!
This was so touching and beautiful! What's so wonderful, is that when she does catch the "train", it will be people like you that she has touched that will carry on her legacy and forever hold those memories of her so dear. No one is ever forgotten when they have those "memory holders" to carry on for them!
OMG Sara...I am balling. Your words are so beautiful, so precious, and so heartwarming. She sounds like such a beautiful person...I want to meet her, and hug her, and hug you too for this beautiful and touching post. Thank you so much for sharing this.
Wonderful journaling...I feel for you. My Nana is the same way. SHe has had a very rough year and always refers to herself as waiting also...(((((hugs)))))I love your photo here.
Cari
that's so sad!
can't she come live with you?! that makes me just heartbroken. i am so so sorry for her and for yOU>
beautiful photo to go with your beautiful journaling about such a beautiful persoN! hugs!
tara
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